i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
