Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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