He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
