he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
