I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
