I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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