so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
