Where did you get a picture of my penis
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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