So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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