he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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