I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize