In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
