It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
