Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize