He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
