you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
