He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
