ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
