There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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