I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
