WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
