I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
