dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
