Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can I color on your dick again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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