I wannas sexs uuuuu
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love you.
Bad choice
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize