Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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