Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
