mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
