if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am mentally ready for anal.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
