Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
3pm strippers are depressing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
