Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
