Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
