Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Green mimosas i think yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
