Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
