I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize