Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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