God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
