Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He passed out mid-signature
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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