dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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