Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
