R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
