Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
