: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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