some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
