We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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