So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
