Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
