I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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