what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
