my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
