you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
