There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
