im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
