I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize