hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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