If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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