Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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