Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I could make wine with my vomit
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
