I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
