So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
