We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
