I wish I could teleport
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize