She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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