I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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