If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
