How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
