I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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