You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize