dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
