Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
