Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did i just pee glitter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
