and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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