If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
