don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize