her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is the high leading the old right now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
