There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
